WWT II - Joe's Flightlog and Humor Satire
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WWT II - Joe's Flightlog and Humor Satire Expand / Collapse
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Posted Monday, November 01, 2010 9:47:09 AM


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7-1-2011

Vatican City - Italy

Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome world famous pilot - JoeMini to the podium"
[sparse clapping from a distance]

[Trademark JoeMini entrance, waving to the non-existant fans, huge smile, and a look of internal pain.  Looks out at the small crowd, and with a distraught face, clears his throat, belches, and let's out one of his award winning wall-paper peeling flatulance bombs....Even the most holiest Pope gives the thumbs up signal for that last blast]

JoeMini: What a proud day again this morning for me today as embark on my 2nd World Wide Tour epic flight.  The proposed flight plane has nearly 270 stops around the world.  Wow!  My azz will be hurting after this one.  Thank you Pope-ness for coming out and wishing me luck?  Oh....you say you are blessing the families that will travel on this journey?  Fantastic!

Popeness: [Speaking in Italian and several other languages and translated to English]  You've got to be a damn fool to fly with this idiot.  God bless all the tiny villages, cities, and major airports around the world!  Take cover!  Repeat Take Cover!  Incoming!  Take evasive actions now.  Oh yea...God Bless you JoeMini!

JoeMini: "Wow, awesome....thanks your Pope-ness.  I would like to fomally issue this statement."
            The following planes will be utilized:
            

JoeMini: "Well, that's about it, the journey will begin shortly.  Please follow along my journey as I post pictures and stories along the way.  I hear my fierciest competitor, Ole, is entered again in this competition.  I wish him nothing but good luck cuz I'll be gunning for him this go round.  With that I will bid the country of Italy farewell, I'm off to fly the world again.

[And as usual, pressure once again was building, and he left the few who have stuck around a tear-jerker blast.  The stench cleared the room, leaving statues holding their noses.

Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8008
Posted Friday, July 01, 2011 6:51:39 PM


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7-1-2011 (Flight #1)

Flight Plan: Rome, Italy (LIRA) to Tirana, Albania (LATI)  321 miles

Beautiful morning in Rome, Italy.  Morning dawn as the sun is just barely poppin it's head over the horizon.  Guest passenger on board is none other than the Mighty Popeness nervously tightening his seatbelt.  JoeMini calls over the P.A. system that you are in all good hands this year.  And besides the Popeness is on-board so the big guy in the sky is looking out for us.  Would like to thank KLM Airlines for being the 1st Corporate Sponsor of JoeMini's WWT II.

Flight plan calls for us to fly pretty much due east.

Tirana Tower calls for landing at runway 18.  Lining up beautifully, perfectly disecting the runway in 1/2, I wait anxiously for my 1st score of WWT II.  And as always, Smitty disappoints the proud captain....A splendid Landing!  And yet I only net a 118.35.  Just barely past the numbers at 422 feet and a non-ILS landing I am already discouraged by the grading.  I can already tell if this is the way it's gonna be for another 276 flights, me and Smitty are gonna tangle.  #!$#@#$!@$

Flight Score: Solid 139.98

Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8897
Posted Saturday, July 02, 2011 7:50:00 AM


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7-2-2011 (Flight #2) 

Flight Plan: Tirana, Albania (LATI) to Skopje, Macedonia  91 miles

Another beautiful morning.  Day 2 and once again, it never ceases to amaze me, another sponsor has joined on board.  British Airways donated a worn out DHC-6 Twin Otter.  A small and rugged smaller commuter plane.  As you can tell, everyone got a little scared with this flight when they heard the plane has not been serviced in 5 years.


Flight line, engines roaring....waiting clearance.


Flying over mountains, very windy!  Plane is all over the place!


Good thing plane is empty....I would not want to clean up the plane after this rough flight!

Bounced around like a rag doll, but as always, JoeMini Tours made it down safe and sound.

Landing Score: 84.10  Flight Score: 99.92 and another splendid landing.

Flight plan calls for us to fly pretty much due east.



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8904
Posted Saturday, July 02, 2011 12:35:41 PM


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7-2-2011 (Flight #3) 

Flight Plan: Skopje, Macedonia (LWSK) to Sofia, Bulgaria (LBSF)  90 miles

2 O'clock afternoon flight.  Shortly after landing this morning, Kodiak Aircraft Company seen my quest to fly around the world and flew in a brand new Kodiak Quest STOL bush plane.  Being it was another short flight, we decided to give the smooth flying Kodiak a try.  Nice black and torquise colored plane.  This flight plan again has us heading east to the capital city of Bulgaria.  Largest city in Bulgaria, Sofia welcomes the JoeMini WWT II tour with open arms. 


Check this out!  A plane full of turkeys.


View looking over the glass cockpit of the Kodiak, approaching Sofia, Bulgaria.


Based upon the smoke and potential shattered tires, Smitty claims I landed too fast at 97knots?  WTH!

Landing Score: 58.50  Flight Score:112.53  Darn...and I centerlined the landing...



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8905
Posted Saturday, July 02, 2011 7:07:18 PM


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7-2-2011 (Flight #4) 

Flight Plan:  Sofia, Bulgaria (LBSF)  to Belgrade, Serbia and Herzegovina (LYBE) 185 miles

Evening flight.  Show up in Belgrade after an early dinner.  Belgrade Air Services asks yours truly if I would be interested in a last minute flying of the Major Heavy Metal rock group "Balls Hangin Low".  Holy Crap, the legendary big hair band of Belgrade.  Hell yes I'll fly them.  Talk about your wild rock and roll flight.  The boys played some of there new hits on board as the stewardesses passed out drinks like nobody's tomorrow.  Remember, there was no beverages served in the cockpit?


Waiting for the Limo to show up on the tarmac.  Balls Hangin Low will be on my flight!


Leaving a short shower, and jammin to hot hot music!


Turning on final and lining her up for what I hope is a nailer landing.


Centerlined it!  Come on Smitty...tell me this is a not worthy of huge numbers?

Landing Score: 111.39  Flight Score: 138.57   Ok....WTH do I have to do?  Splendid Landing....Smooth Flight.

We're talking Smitty....let's clear the air.  I'm in huge competition with my arch nemisis.  This can't be happening.  Sigh!



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8908
Posted Sunday, July 03, 2011 7:24:04 AM


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7-3-2011 (Flight #5)

Flight Plan:  Belgrade, Serbia and Herzegovina (LYBE) to Sarejevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina 104 miles

Early Morning flight today.  8am departure and after last nights concert, my mind has a splitting headache.  Thanks for a great time Ballz Hanging Low!  You guys rock! 

Well today's Dad's B-day, so all my flights are dedicated to my dad today.  Happy B-day Pops!

Woke up this morning to another new surprise.  DHL Cargo has plead me to deliver valuable cargo to Serejevo.  Parts are still torn by the post war, but we at JoeMini Humanities Service felt compelled to deliver needed goods.  Completely to max gross weight, we took off as the 737 turbine engines screamed to make it off the ground.  Off to the capital city of Serejevo!  This might be interesting landing a fully loaded plane.


Proud sponsor #4.  DHL Cargo.


Cool final approach as we line up in a valley.  Low clouds made it fun negotiating the mountains.  Serejevo off on the left.


Almost centerline landing....but damn it....we landed a little too hard.

Landing Score: 122.65  Flight Score: 138.77 



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8910
Posted Sunday, July 03, 2011 10:27:19 AM


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7-3-2011 (Flight #6)

Flight Plan:  Sarejevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina (LQSA) to Zagreb, Crotia (LDZA) 150 miles

Late Morning flight 10:00am.  Off to the capital city of Zagreb, Crotia, a bussling European city.  They sponsors keep joing forces with the greatest Tour Company in the world.  Bombardier Learjet is loaning JoeMini World Wide Tours, LLC with a brand new Lear45 anniversary edition pocket rocket.

Just got me Audio Environment for turbine engines.  Holy crap!  Does the Learjet sound good now whining up to 25,000 feet!


Overlooking the beautiful mountain range, waiting the renown pilot JoeMini.


What a stud looking pilot?  Cruising up to flight altitude of 25K feet.  Rayban's on....Check!


Perfectly lined up....a little low on approach....Betting Smitty will once again force me to take a bar of soap up the [censored}

Yep, just like I expected from Smitty....

Landing Score: 100.09  Flight Score: 109.64

Not used to flying the smaller bird, so I was a bit rough on the turns, and landed a tad bit hard....I'll let is slide this time Smitty.



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8915
Posted Sunday, July 03, 2011 2:41:05 PM


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7-3-2011 (Flight #7)

Flight Plan:  Zagreb, Crotia (LDZA) to Ljubjana, Slovenia 72.3 miles

Lunch flight 12:30pm.  Off to the capital city of Ljubjana, Slovenia.  Decided to give the Twin Otter, a slower flying plane another chance on this short flight.  Zero errors throughout the whole flight....about 200 feet from landing, I got blown to the left and that was it my friends...Smitty ripped me a new butthole for off the centerline and wings not level.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  Dump a fully loaded plane filled with anxious passengers?  I'll take the low score again, but I'm losing faith in this fine plane.


If I'm not mistaking the dude on the left is Ole?  Heard he's getting pointers from the kid? Or sabataging?


Hey look, is this another sinister lab from our FSFS Squadran Leader?  Hummm....


What a cool backdrop...airport....mountains...few Adrian jets....Cool

Landing Score: 44.00  Flight Score: 121.06  Like I said....awesome flight...smooth as silk up until the last minute....Damn!



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8920
Posted Monday, July 04, 2011 9:04:29 AM


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7-3-2011 (Flight #8)

Flight Plan:  Ljubjana, Slovenia (LJLJ) to Vienna, Austria (LOWW) 143 miles

Evening Twilight Flight 7:00pm.  Off to the beautiful capital city of Vienna, Austria.  After flying several flights with the DHC-6 Twin Otter, British Airways apparently think I have what it takes to pilot there planes, decided to loan me a brand new 737.   Off to see Sigmund Frued for some psychology and deal with my flying skills.  Hopefully this will do the trick.  Gosh I love my Ultimate Traffic AI software, and when you hit busy airports such as Vienna and it comes to life...ahhh...that's flight simming.


Nice backdrop shot again....all passengers on board please.  Off to see Sigmund.


Coming in during an awesome sunset over the city of Vienna.  Nice!


There's Vienna Intl airport off to the right...I'll be ditching...err landing shortly as I make a few more right turns.


Final approach at night with the LSI approach lights going.....sweet!

Landing Score: 116.35  Flight Score: 137.70  Not bad but much improvent needed



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8921
Posted Monday, July 04, 2011 9:16:17 AM


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7-4-2011 (Flight #9)

Flight Plan:  Vienna, Austria (LOWW) to Prague, Czech Republic 150 miles

Morning everyone, and Happy 4th of July Americans!

9:30 morning flight to Prague. A huge name in personal attainments has landed on the JoeMini World Wide Tour II.  None other than CEO of Virgin Atlantic, who proudly donated a massive 747-400 Series.  As you can tell, I love my Ultimate Traffic and my new Turbine Engine add on.  Oh my the power on take off with 4 screaming engines and the speakers turned up.  They are filming the 27th installment of Tom Cruise starring Ethan Hunt in the original city of Prague.  With Tom and Katie on board with the entire upper deck to themselves, I feel honored to have celebrities on board.  Sit back and relax Tom and Katie, your in good hands.  Haven't flown a 747 in quite a few months...this outta be interesting.

BTW...who puts #$!$#@$ buildings at the end of a runway?  FSX or Czechs?


Besides Tom and Katie on board, I heard there's a bunch of virgins in coach?


Check out all that traffic....nice!


Love my traffic, but waiting and waiting is testing my patience...Hold your horse Tom!


Who puts freakin' building at the end of a runway...completely messed me up....ugghh


damn....way off and too hard again....gotta work on smoother landings

Landing Score: 59.00  Flight Score: 169.22   People I cracked the top 10 again overall!  Yea baby! 



Joe Mini

President/CEO/Chief Pilot for Joe Mini World Wide Tours, LLC. 
"If we get you to your destination in one piece, it's a miracle"  

Post #8922
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